The Real World: Zelda Edition!
by zen-ink
Summary: The 12 characters you know and love have been placed in a house in which they must live and cope together for 8 months. The grand prize winner wins 2 million dollars! Make sure to vote for your favorite every week!
1. Introductions

Hilarious characters, undeniable romance, and surreptitious backstabbing ... This is .. The Real World: Zelda Edition!!!

Howdy-do folks! I'm your host with the most Brian Rivercrest, reporting in on the NEWEST OF NEW reality TV shows!!! We have taken the 12 characters from The Legend of Zelda, and placed them in a house, in which they will be forced to live together over the course of the next 8 months of their lives. How will they cope with each other? How will the vastly different personalities clash? How will friendships, and possibly even romances, develop and grow? Don't go anywhere, because it's all here ... on, THE REAL WORLD!!!!

Today, the house guests are getting themselves situated, and are focusing their energies on adjusting to their new habitat that they must share with one another. We will have the housemates introduce themselves to you publically, to get a bit of an idea of what's going on behind the faces. After the introductions have finished, the candid camera living will begin. :]

**MEET THE HOUSEGUESTS:**

**Princess Zelda**

**Link**

**Malon**

**Princess Midna**

**Ganondorf**

**Saria**

**Rauru**

**Darunia**

**Princess Ruto**

**Impa**

**Nabooru**

**Dampe**

****Dark Link**

**The Goddesses (Din, Nayru, Farore)***

**Venus***

**Tingle***

**Characters with stars next to them are not regular housemates but are instead irregular guests.**

Let's get to the introductions!! Would the first housemate please come into the Confessions Room?

***Zelda steps in***

"Heyyy everybody!!! I'm Princess Zelda AS YOU ALL KNOW.. I mean let's face it, who DOESN'T know me!? Eheheheh! Sooooo aside from being like the most popular girl on this show, I enjoy shopping, being cool, and well just being me! Ummm ... What else am I supposed to talk about?? .............. I enjoy long walks on the beach, and shopping and I'm a Gemini! ..... Okay that's it."

Very good! Now get out. Next housemate, enter!

***Link steps in***

"HYAAAAT!!!!!!!"

..... Tell us about yourself, Link!

"I LIKE TO CUT THINGS!!!!"

........... Anything else??

"YEAH.. . ... .. .I LIKE TO ROLL AROUND IN HYLIA FIELD, L O L!!"

Wonderful. Get out. Now. Next housemate!

***Malon enters***

"Howdy y'all! I just wanna say how grateful I am to be here on such a rootin' tootin' show with y'all!! This is such a charmin' experience for me! Back on the farm, the only housemates I had were the cows n' chickens!! It'll sure be a hoot to make some two legged friends for a change!! Hehehe!"

...Ah yes. Isn't she lovely. Everybody loves a southern girl! Next housemate, enter!

***Midna enters***

"..... I don't want to do this."

Just talk about yourself, Midna. Tell us about your goals for being on the show!

"I want the 2 million dollars."

Anything else??

"I want to prove to everybody that the power of darkness is way better than the power of lightness."

GREAT!!! Get out. NEXT HOUSEMATE!

***Ganondorf enters***

"GWAHAHAHAHAHAHHH!!!!! Finally a chance to prove my dominance over all of your insignificant whelps!! By the time I am finished taking over this show, you will all be serving me! LIKE YOU SHOULD BE RIGHT NOW!!! SOMEBODY GET ME A LEMONADE!!!!!"

***Brian hands Ganondorf a lemonade***

"Thank you!!! So, aside from issuing out orders and acheiving world domination, I am really just your typical fellow.. I love playing rugby on the beach, watching romantic movies, and I have this thing where I love to take things apart to see how they work and then put them back together again!! It's a hobby of mine.. Bweh heh heh"

That'll do, Ganny!! Next housemate please?

***Rauru enters***

"Greetings, I am Rauru, the Sage of Light. My hopes in being on this show are to spread the word and joys of the light to all of you watchers out there. By the time I can get my point across to the viewers, I believe you will all acheive enlightenment!!"

"LIGHT IS WEAK OLD MAN!!! LIKE YOUR GEEZER HIPS!!!!!!!" shouted Midna, consuming the Confessions Room in twilight.

"OH DEAR!!!!" exclaimed Rauru. "TWILIGHT!!!! BACK OFF, FILTHY DARKNESS!!!! FEEL THE PURGING POWERS OF THE LIGHT!!!!!!"

***Rauru pulls out the Light Medallion and shines a powerful light in the Confessions Room. Midna is heard writhing in pain outside the room, from where she had been shouting in at Rauru.***

"GYAHHHHHH point well made, old man!!!"

.......ANNNNNNYWAYS... Can we get the next housemate in here please??

***Saria enters***

"Hi. I'm Saria. I don't watch reality television; I think it's impractical and a waste of time. I would much rather be out crafting something or learning a new skill. As such, I encourage you all to save energy, and turn your TV off. Stop wasting your time watching this pathetic, meaningless show, and get outside and get some exercise. Oh, and remember to recycle!"

.......Ok then! Next housemate ..... ... .. I really need to start searching for a new job.

***Darunia enters***

"HELLO BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO BEing ... on ....... this .... .. ..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................................................................."

....Did the big ugly brown thing just fall asleep in the Confession Room????? Can somebody please escort him out of here?? ANYBODY?!? I CANT LIFT THIS THING IT WEIGHS LIKE 5000000 POUNDS

***Ruto enters***

"Hehe hi!!! I'm Ruto! Princess of the Zoras. I'm so excited to be on a reality television show!! I've never done anything like this before! AND THAT DOESN'T MEAN IM NOT EXPERIENCED!!!! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL THINKING!! DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!!! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!!! You're thinking ... wow, this bitch has never been on a reality television show before!?!? SHE COULD NEVER POSSIBLY WIN!!! WELL YOU'RE WRONG!!! YOU'RE ALL WRONG!!! AND I'M GOING TO BE THE FIRST TO PROVE YOU WRONG!! HAH!!! AHAHAHAH!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...... heheh .... heh....... yeah."

Ruto, you DO know that nobody else on this show has ever been on a reality tv show before .. right?

"...Oh.. Really..?? Well, nevermind then!!! Eheheheheh!!! Vote for me everybody!!! ^.^"

.......riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...... next housemate.

***Impa enters***

"Let's get to brass taxes here. I'm a lesbian. Don't act all surprised. ... We all knew what was coming. Now that that's out of the way, I'm just going to be honest with all you good folks out there. My interests are varying.. I love to work out, kill stuff, ride my Harley, and go to gogo bars with my girlfriend, Natalia. On weekends, I'm a stripper at the club The Crush. It helps me pay for my boobjob (upgraded to a quadruple D cup.) That pretty much sums up me!"

Damn......... Anyway. Next housemate ... please.

***Nabooru enters***

"Hello to everybody. I am a new to this what you call "telling vision". I come from desert, where I work as Gerudo guard. In desert, we have no telling vision. Therefor, I do not watch telling vision before this. I am very how you say ... overwhelmed by the show. It is very exciting. It is also very how you say .. overwhelming. I hope to win this show, because I am a girl who lives for victory."

Whoa that chick is HOTT!! H-O-T-T hott! I would cross her desert, if ya know what I mean. Next housemate then?

***Dampe enters***

"IIiiiiiiIii am Dampe.... .... I have lived my entire life watching over soooouulssss and bodiesss in graveyardssss ... I feel out of place in the houssssssse, so I have taken up residence in a shack outside in the graaaaAAAaaaaAveyardddddd .......... mmmmMmmmMMMMMMmmmMMmm ... Nowwww I must get back to my grim woooOOOooOOork of watching over the soullllllssssssss......"

Well that was creepy. AND THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS!!!! The introductions are complete!! Tune in next time for Day 1 of ACTUAL HOUSEMATE INTERACTIONS!!!! Yes yes, it's all very exciting!! So we hope you will stay tuned to see how these 12 interesting and incredibly freakish characters act when they are all forced to live together under one roof on .... THE REAL WORLD: ZELDA EDITION!!!!!

**TO BE CONTINUED......**


	2. Week 1

Welcome back to THE REAL WORLD: ZELDA EDITION!!!

Okay, so as you previously saw, the housemates were getting themselves situated into their new home, which they must share with one another. Now, however, the candid camera living begins, so let's all watch and see how they cope with living with each other, and find out who will win the 2 million dollar grand prize!!! Ok I'm gonna shut up now.

**DAY 1**

**April 1st, 9:25 AM**

Midna rose from bed, rubbing her eyes, drinking in the sounds of the morning birds chirping. As much as she did not want to be forced to live in a house with 11 other people, she wanted that 2 million dollar prize, and was determined to get it. Her first night's sleep wasn't that bad either, she thought. Little does she know; the first night is always the most comfortable, but it's allllll downhill from here.

"Oh sweet lord." she said. "It's April Fool's day."

Midna exitted her room, noticing that her roommate, Saria, must have already woken. She headed to the kitchen hoping to find somebody making breakfast so she would'nt have to cook. Midna hated cooking.

She entered into the kitchen to find Zelda, Link and Rauru sitting at the table, and Impa concocting something over the stove.

"Good morning Midna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Zelda shrieked. "Did you have a nice sleep!??!" Midna was already annoyed. Mostly because of the jackass smile Zelda was wearing. She would pay 2 million dollars just to slap her silly right now.

"Yes. I slept quite comfortably." she replied.

"Yeah, couldn't care less. Now make me some eggs. They're not going to make themselves."

Midna's frustration was quickly evolving into fury. "What is Impa making??" she inquired.

"Lesbian cakes, probably." replied Zelda.

"Hey, that's not nice." Midna rebutted.

"Whatev."

Midna looked over to notice Link shining his sword ........ At the breakfast table. Rauru was reading the paper.

"Hey old man .. No hard feelings about yesterday?" Midna inquired.

"Ohhh I suppose not. It's just in your nature to behave the way you did, I suppose."

Midna was thankful for Rauru's refreshing understanding. "Thanks." ..Wait, what does that mean?? Midna began to overanalyze it.

"Has anybody seen Saria???" questioned Midna out of the awkward silence. She could tell the others were getting pestered by her constant talking.

"She's outside gardening." replied Impa, still cooking. "I dont think she slept last night.."

"What makes you say that??" questioned Midna.

"Well... We've only just moved into this house yesterday, and she already has a fully grown garden of vegetables and fruits and everything else."

"But isn't she the sage of the forest? Can't she just grow plants on command?" inquired Midna.

"Yeah. But I still don't think she slept."

"Wh--"

"CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT UP???!??" blurted Zelda unexpectedly. "I AM TRYING TO COUNT HOW MANY GUCCI PURSES I BOUGHT LAST MONTH!!!!!! Gosh!!"

Midna wanted to strangle her so bad. Or banish her to the realm of Twilight .. But she knew that probably wouldn't work, because Zelda is the Princess of Hyrule, and probably has some form of powers that would protect her against such a banishment. But that doesn't mean Midna couldn't kick her ass regardless.

Saria walked in with dirt-covered hands, making her way over to the sink to wash them.

"HEY!!" Impa shouted. Don't mess up the sink!! I'm trying to cook breakfast here!"

"Oh really? Whatcha making?" inquired Saria.

"Eggs, bacon, french toast, waffles, oatmeal, crepes, and ... _lesbian cakes._" she replied

"Oh. I didn't know you all thought it was okay to eat a poor little piggy." replied Saria sternly.

"..Come again?" asked Impa quizzically.

"Umm bacon? You're eating a piggy."

"So?"

"It's wrong."

"It's delicious."

"How would you like it if I killed you, sliced your legs off and cooked them for breakfast?"

"I don't know, I'd be dead.."

"It's people like you who are steering this planet in the completely wrong direction that it's going in."

"Why do you have to be such an uptight bitch about everything?"

"I don't know - why you refuse to do your job as a woman and properly reproduce?"

"THAT'S IT!!! MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN BREAKFAST!!!!" yelled Impa, slamming the frying pan on the floor and storming out of the room.

"What the hell Saria!! Who's going to make my breakfast now!" said Zelda.

"Why don't you fry up one of your leather bags and eat that? It comes from the same place your bacon does."

"EWWW YOU DONT EAT GUCCI!!! Gucci eats YOU!"

"........Yeah. .. Whatever." said Saria, rolling her eyes.

Link was laughing hysterically.

"...What?" asked Zelda, looking over at him.'

"What does that even _mean_?" he questioned.

"What does what mean?"

" 'You don't eat Gucci, Gucci eats you' ?"

"........ It means ... consumer products ... and the economy ... raining and spending!!!"

"That makes no sense! Face it Zelda, you're dumber than a sack of rupees."

"Oh like you're any smarter? The only thing you know how to do is 'KILL THINGS AND ROLL AROUND IN HYRULE FIELD L O L !!!!' " Zelda replied mockingly.

"Even if I know just those two things, that's still more than you'll ever know. And I think I'm pretty good at nuclear physics."

"You wouldn't know nuclear physics if it offered you a blowjob."

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!! Oh my god nothing you say like ever makes sense. I can feel my IQ points dropping just being in the same room as you."

"YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE LINK!! Just don't look at me or talk to me!!" shouted Zelda, as she too stormed out of the room.

Link just giggled and smirked, while returning to his sword polishing. Saria brought in some vegetables and fried them in a pan for breakfast. Malon walks in.

"Mornin' y'all!!!" she said smiling brightly while still in her floral jammies. "What's been all the ruckus this mornin'!? Gosh, I heard more yellin' goin' on out here than ya get with Aunt May and Uncle Bucky at Thanksgivin', when they're fightin' over the turkey legs!"

Well folks, day 1 sure was interesting!!! Want to find out whether or not Midna actually banishes Zelda to the realm of Twilight, or just strangles her? Or how Impa is going to handle Saria's constant criticism? How about how Zelda will handle her newly born conflict with her ex-boyfriend Link? All this and more, coming right up!!

**DAY 4**

**April 4th, 3:03 PM**

Zelda, Malon, and Nabooru are relaxing by the pool, tanning in poolchairs. Ruto is swimming. Suddenly, Link walks out onto the patio.

"GO AWAY LINK nobody wants to see your ugly face." blurted Zelda.

"Shut up bitch I have every right to be out here as do you."

"WELL HOWDY LINK!! You sure are dressed up mighty fine to be outdoors on this gorgeous day!! Why dontcha change into your bathin' suit and go for a dip??" said Malon.

"Maybe I will. But only after that freak gets out of the pool; no way am I swimming with her."

"Oh my god Link let it go!! It was like 7 years ago! I'm not nearly stupid enough anymore where I'd have a crush on a guy as shallow and dull as you!" rebutted Ruto.

*CONFESSIONS ROOM SIDECLIP*

"I don't know why everyone always thinks I'm so stupid. I guess it's because I like to kill things .... But I don't think of myself as stupid. Maybe just... simple minded? I am a rather simple boy. I like the simple things in life. But I'm certainly not stupid! I'm currently taking college courses to get my Masters in Nuclear Engineering; nobody knows that though, so shhh.... It wouldn't be good for my image, I don't think. Oh wait. Everyone knows now!!!!"

*END SIDECLIP*

"Why do we have a graveyard..?" inquired Zelda, as her attention caught the graveyard on the mansion grounds on the other side of the pool.

"The graving yard is for the burying of the dead." replied Nabooru.

"No I know what it's FOR .. just .. why do we have one?"

"Maybe it is for the dying people."

"WHOS DYING!?!?!?!"

"No no, you misunderstand this. What I mean to say is, maybe it is for in case the people on telling vision show become dying."

"Oh .... Why does that freak Dampwick LIVE in the graveyard?? That's so freakin' weird."

"Maybe he likes the smell of the dying persons." Nabooru joked.

"EWWWWWW That's nasty!!!!!"

"It is his job, Zelda. He is the one responsible for the souls. It is grim task, but somebody must do it. He has do it all his life, he finds his home in such places. Do you understand?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh........................... ... ... no"

Nabooru slapped her forehead.

"Forget it."

Link walks back out onto the patio in a green male bikini. All of the girls stare in awe with their mouths agape.

"Oh my gosh!!" they all shriek at the same time.

"Hey Link!!! Come in the pool!! The water's great!" cried out Ruto, smiling brightly.

"No Link sit and tan for a bit!!" said Zelda, pulling Link down onto the empty poolchair by her.

"What? I don't want to tan, I want to go for a dip."

"Don't be silly my dear boy!!" Zelda said, pinching Link's cheeks.

"Ew get off" Link said slapping Zelda's hand away. "Im not 'your boy'. "

"Awww honey don't be like that! Why did we break up anyway?"

".........Because you're shallow, superficial, stupid, controlling, needy and bitchy? Among other things."

"I wanna get back together."

"EW get off!" Link said, jumping into the pool.

Ruto began to giggle uncontrollably, swimming over towards Link.

"Wow Link you're a good swimmer!!!" she said, still smiling brightly and giggling. Link was backing away hesitantly.

"Get..... Get away, Ruto!! I MEAN IT!! I WILL GET MY SWORD"

"Ohhhhh kinky" Ruto winked.

"EWWWWWW NOT LIKE THAT!!!" Link jumped out of the pool; the water trickling down his muscular torso gleamed in the sunlight. "EWIE EWIE EWIEEEEEEE" Link cried running into the house.

Ganondorf, who was watching tv in the living room, scolded Link as he ran through the room. "HEY!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE GETTING WATER ALL OVER THE CARPET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ganondorf grumbled.

**DAY 7**

**April 7th, 10:15 PM**

"WHO WANTS TO RENT A MOVIEEEEEEEEE" shouted Zelda.

Link, Malon, Midna, Ganondorf, Saria, Ruto, Nabooru, and Impa enter the living room.

"MOVIE NIGHT MOVIE NIGHT MOVIE NIGHT MOVIE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Ganondorf jumping around like a little kid.

Saria snaps her fingers, summoning vines to root Ganondorf to the ground. "I could go for a movie." Saria says. "Which one?"

"He's Just Not That Into You?" suggested Zelda.

"Ewwwww... Who likes sappy romance comedies?" replied Saria.

"I just so happen to be a fan!!!"

"You would."

"THE PERFECT DARK" yelled Ganny at an unreasonably loud volume.

"CAN YOU SHUT UP??????!?!?!" bickered Zelda.

Ganondorf made a frowny face.

*Ding Dong!* rang the mansion doorbell.

"I ORDERED PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" screamed Link.

"Oohh pizza!" everybody rushed to the door at once, while Link made his way over to the DVD player and inserted his favorite movie: Memoires of a Geisha.

"WHO PUT THIS CRAP IN" yelled Midna.

"Who do you think??" replied everybody, pointing to Link.

"IT WASNT ME I SWEAR IT ON THE ROYAL FAMILIES GRAVE" Link attempted to defend himself.

"HEY that's MY FAMILY not yours!!!" shouted Zelda.

"Exactly. I'm lying, so I don't want to swear on the grave of somebody I actually care about."

"Let's just watch this, it's better than sitting here for over an hour trying to make up our minds on something to watch." said Impa.

An hour and 45 minutes later the movie ended.

"THAT WAS SO SAD!!!" cried Ruto, wiping her tears with a tissue.

"Tell me, why does this women put on white faces?" inquired Nabooru.

"They're called Geishas. They're the Japanese version of what we know here as hookers." said Saria.

"Well shucks!! I'm more tired than a herd of cows after their sunset graze!!" Malon yawned. "I'ma retire to bed y'all! See y'all in the mornin!!"

"Yeah I'm tired too, I'm hitting the sack." said Impa.

Nabooru retreated with Impa to their room.

Ganny was already passed out on the couch.

"Well I'm going to bed too then." said Zelda.

"Wait... We have to get this fat lump off the couch. If he sleeps here all night he'll sink the cushions in." said Midna.

"DONT LOOK AT ME IM NOT TOUCHING HIM!!" yelled Zelda.

"I'll help you Midna." Link offered Midna a hand in carrying Ganondorf to bed.

"Aren't you going to go to bed???" Zelda inquired at Saria.

"I have my garden to tend to." replied Saria, and she walked out into the night to her garden.

"God, that girl is so damn weird." said Zelda, as she retired to her room.

**STAY TUNED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE HOUSEMATES NEXT WEEK ON....**

**THE REAL WORLD: ZELDA EDITION!!!!!**


	3. Week 2

**DAY 13**

**April 13th, 12:30 AM**

Zelda is reading a magazine while sitting at the island in the kitchen. Saria walks indoors from gardening, her hands yet again covered in soil. She makes her way over to the sink to wash them.

"You were gardening AGAIN??" inquired Zelda.

"Yep."

"Is gardening all you ever do..?"

"Nope."

"Why do you like gardening so much?"

"I like nature."

"But all you EVER do is garden.. Do you even sleep? Or do you just stay up all night to garden?"

"Depends."

"How do you garden in the dark anyway? You can't see and I thought plants need sun to grow.."

"Just because they need sun to grow doesn't mean they die every night. And it doesn't mean I can't plant seeds in the dark. And I have garden lanterns all around so I can see perfectly fine."

"Okay okay jeeze.. I was just trying to understand you a bit better."

"Hah hah hah... Sure. Whatcha readin?"

"Horoscopes!!!"

"Oh god, PLEASE don't tell me you believe in those. Then again, coming from you, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Of course I believe in them!!! I read my horoscope EVERY DAY.. and it ALWAYS comes true!"

"I find that hard to believe."

"What's your sign?"

"Virgo."

"No wonder you're such a bitch!!"

"Excuse me?????"

"Nothing!! Heheheh... let's seeeee virgoooo... ah got it! 'Try to keep your patience today, as those around you seem to be rapidly escalating your frustration. It is best to avoid an outburst today while Mercury is weakening your sign.' "

"Funny.... It's actually coming true so far."

"How?"

"Nevermind." swiftly replied Saria, with a self-pleased smile.

Impa, Nabooru, Link, Rauru, Ruto, and Malon enter the room

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Ruto.

"Zelda is reading about horoscopes. As if she couldn't get any more airheaded."

"Ohhh what's my sign?!" asked Ruto.

"When is your birthday??" asked Zelda.

"October 29" replied Ruto.

"Scorpio!"

"What does it say for Scorpio!?"

"Today is an excellent day to pursue a secret (or not so secret) love interest."

"Really!??! Eheheheheheheheheheheh" Ruto giggled, eyeing Link. Link took a few steps back.

"This is lame. Everybody knows these things aren't real. Only someone as stupid as you would think they are, Zelda." said Link.

"You guys just don't understand! It's definitely real!"

"Shucks, I'ma Taurus! What's it say in their 'bout lil ol' me??" inquired Malon.

"Resist the urge to go shopping today; you're not in a good financial situation to be spending unneccessarily." answered Zelda.

"Gosh darn it!! I was gonna head down to the mall and get that charmin' new top they just got in!! Awww" Malon frowned.

"Isn't today Impa's birthday? What does that make her?" asked Link.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY IMPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" everybody shouted all at once.

"Thanks guys!!" said Impa, smiling.

"She's an Aries."

"Yes I am!! Impatient, angry and creative.. heh heh" replied Impa, still smiling.

"We need to celebrate!!!!!" cried Zelda.

"Nahh you guys really don't ne-"

"You guys start decorating, and I'll make phone calls and invite EVERYBODY we know!!!"

"Please d-"

"OKAY!! I'll go get the booze!!!" shouted Link as he ran out the door.

Over the course of the next 5 hours, Midna, Ganny, Rauru, Ruto, and Nabooru decorated the whole house and set up chips and drinks.

**5:45 PM**

"I'll make some lights!!" said Rauru, conjuring several color changing lightspheres that levitated around the house.

"And I'll make it a full moon" added Midna, sweeping her hand across the sky and illuminating the moon to a bright, full glow.

"Ruto, can you warm the pool water?" asked Midna.

"I can do more than that!" answered Ruto, making the pool water warm, and causing the pool water and hot tub water to glow.

"Awesome! Where's Saria? We need her to make some flowers.. It smells like barf and fart in here." said Saria.

"Sorry.." Ganny apologized, looking ashamed.

"I'll go get her." said Ruto.

"GUYS!!!" shouted Zelda running into the room. "Okay is everything set up??? I just finished the invitations, people are going to start showing up here real soon!!"

"Yup!! We're just taking care of some final details. Where's Impa?" asked Midna.

"I'm right here.. You guys really didn't need to do all of this!! But I appreciate it. Thanks!"

"Aww you're welcome!!" said Zelda and Midna, hugging Impa.

Link ran in the door carrying 30 bags of booze.

"GUYS I GOT THE BOOZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he shouted.

".......Oh, I had no idea.." replied Midna, as she and the others tried to count up the amount of bags he was holding.

"I bought like everything in the store, so I think we should be pretty much set."

Ruto returns.

"Where's Saria?" asked Midna"

"She said she's not going to help us, that parties are stupid and that she doesn't want to have any part of it."

"That girl really needs to loosen up.."

"I can take care of that!" shouted Link, as he dropped his dozens of bags and ran into Saria's room with a keg of beer.

"Uh oh.. this should be interesting."

Suddenly, an intensely bright golden light shone in the patio door and made its way into the house. In a bright flash, the triforce appeared. The three triangles began spinning independant of one another, and began emanating blue, red, and green light. In another flash of light, the goddesses appeared.

"The goddesses made it!! Awesome!" cheered Zelda.

"Hey guys!! Let's get this part-ay started!!!!!" shouted Farore.

Eventually, Natalia, Venus, Tingle, and even Dark Link showed up.

**9:18 PM**

Link and Saria stumble out of Saria's room, and make their way into the living room in a wobbly fashion.

"HEYYYY GUYYYYSSSSSSS" yelled Saria as she struggled to maintain balance.

"SARIA!?!? ARE YOU DRUNK!?!?!?" shouted Zelda.

"Me?! Drunk!?!? Hahahahah nahhhhhhh...." said Saria, giggling uncontrollably and playing with Link's hair.

"You're definitely drunk Saria!! Holy shit guys look, Saria's drunk!!! I can't believe you actually DID IT Link!!!"

"Zelda... you.. you need to stop with the booze.. your ass is drunk.. g-gimme your drink I'm cutting you off..." replied Saria, and then she passed out on the floor.

"... Should we wake her up?" asked Midna.

"Nah, just leave her." said Link. "WHY IS DARK LINK HERE!!!!!!!!!! ZELDA YOU INVITED HIM!!?!"

"YES!!!"

"WHY!!?!?"

"Because he's a good conversationalist!!"

"You're such a bitch!! You did this on purpose!!" Link was particularly frustrated.

"Ohh calm down and enjoy yourself you're at a partyyy. GUYS I WANNA MAKE A TOAST"

"The toaster's in the kitchen!!" yelled a drunken Tingle.

"NOOOO I wanna make a toast to IMPA THE BIRTHDAY GIRLLLL give it up for Impaaaaa"

"Woohoooo!" everybody cheered, raising their glasses.

"Thanks guys!!! This means a lot to me!! And thanks for inviting Natalia, Zelda!!"

"You're welcome!!" shouted Zelda across the room.

Midna stumbled into Dark Link, who happened to be making out with Link.

"Oh sorry da- WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

"Leave them BEEEE Midna!!"

"But they're .. and they're not!!! I'M SO CONFUSED"

"They do that at every party!!" exclaimed Zelda, and then she began making out with Midna, who did not appear to fight it, mostly because she was drunk off her ass.

On the other side of the room, Din, Nayru, and Farore were busting dance moves underneath a congregation of light spheres. In their drunken state, they began incoporating their powers into their dance moves for special effect. This resulted in several pieces of furniture getting incinerated, as well as the doors and windows being blown out by wind. Nayru accidentally froze the television and pool while Ruto was swimming. After their destructive tyrade of dance moves, they all passed out on the floor.

Malon approached Ganondorf, holding a lightsphere.

"Hey Malon!! I'm really drunk right now!! When did you get a twin!?!?"

"Shut up you immature, overly rambunctious butthead!! Help me trap Rauru in this lightsphere."

"What!? Why!?"

"BECAUSE he annoys me more than a baby chicken pecking at your feet for a bite of your waffles!!"

"...uh... OKAY!!!"

"Okay let's go."

Malon and Ganondorf snuck up on a drunken Rauru, who was dancing with Impa, Natalia, and Nabooru, and enveloped him in his own lightsphere.

"HEY!!! Let me out you kids!!!!" shouted Rauru as he floated around the room within the lightsphere. Malon and Ganondorf were laughing too hard to care though, and Rauru was too drunk to remember he could use his powers to get out. Instead, he just kept beating at the sides of the lightsphere.

Impa, Natalia, and Nabooru all laughed at their practical joke, and then began conversing in private, before retreating to Nabooru's room.

"WHERE ARE THEY GOIN!!!" shouted Malon at Ganondorf, trying to be heard over the loud music.

"I DUNNO!!!! I'M TIRED!!" Ganondorf shouted back, and then passed out on the floor.

"WAKE UP YOU GREAT UGLY BUFFOON!!!" shouted Malon angrily while kicking at Ganondorf's side. This was a futile effort, however, as the kicking propelled Malon into a state of excess drowsiness, and then she too passed out, on top off Ganondorf.

**DAY 14**

**April 14th, 4:28 PM**

Most of the housemates just started to awaken, wincing at the hideous mess in front of them.

"Owwww my head.... What the hell HAPPENED last night??" inquired Midna, rubbing her forehead.

"I don't remember.. Ow my head hurts too" exclaimed Zelda, holding her head and frowning.

"Oh my god you guys this place is a MESS............." exclaimed Ganondorf as he awoke, pushing Malon off of him.

They scanned the room, observing the trash and stains all over the floor, the frozen tv, the missing windows and patio door, and the goddesses all asleep on top of one another.

"Um.. Why is Rauru asleep in a lightsphere??" questioned Midna. "Somebody wake him up and get him out. Where's Ruto??"

As Ganondorf banged on the lightsphere, waking up Rauru, Midna and Zelda searched the house for Ruto, finally finding her frozen in the pool outside.

"G-G-G-G-G-G-GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!" shouted Ruto angrily.

"I'll go get Din!!!" Midna ran inside and woke up Din, dragging her out onto the patio, though Din was still half asleep.

"Whaaaaaaaaa-" moaned Din.

"Unfreeze the pool Din!!! Now!!" cried Midna.

"Okay okay jeeze.." replied Din, rubbing her eyes and the holding her hands out in front of her and melting the water in the pool.

"THANK YOU!" yelled a furious Ruto, who stormed off into her room.

Zelda and Midna walked back into the house to find that Rauru got out of his lightsphere prison. Link and Dark Link walked out of their room and into the living room, holding hands and yawning.

"Dude... That was an AWESOME party last night.." said Link, still trying to open his eyes.

"Me and Zelda don't remember a thing.." replied Midna.

"Me neither, but I'm guessing it was pretty awesome." added Link, looking to Dark Link and winking. "Why is the tv frozen...?"

"DIDNT SHE JUST SAY WE DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING!?!?!?!? WE DONT KNOW WHY THE GODDAMN TV IS FROZEN!!!!!" shouted Zelda.

"Is she always this temperamental?" Dark Link asked Link.

"Basically, yes. And usually worse."

"Well how am I supposed to remain calm when I feel half sick and the house is in utter chaos!? Has anybody seen Impa and Nabooru?? And somebody should really wake up Malon and Saria!"

Link walks over to Saria and starts nudging her with his foot. "Saria! Wake up!! Sariaaaaaa........ Yeah she's out cold."

"I don't think Malon is going to wake up anytime soon either..." said Dark Link, nudging her with his foot.

"UGHHH BUT ITS 4 IN THE AFTERNOON!!!" exclaimed Zelda.

"Just let them sleep. Come on, we better get this mess cleaned up...."

**TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO THE REAL WORLD: ZELDA EDITION!!!**


End file.
